obsessions

i've been obsessing over something lately. a simple curiosity about a specific person that has been fueled by circumstance and opportunity, and slowly cemented by undesirable negative emotions.

i'm not proud of it. it's out of character for me. yet, i find no small amount of guilty pleasure when i indulge in it.

but, the more i find myself dipping into that sordid well of unhealthy curiosity, the more i realise that it's going to lead into something dangerous, for my mental well being and mayhap for my relationships.

writing about it brings a measure of relief. perhaps, the fact that no one knows about it is one of the reason why i have held on to it for quite a time. no one knows so it can't do any harm, right? well, i'm finding out otherwise. the more i keep doing it in secret, the worse i feel everytime.

so this is one small step for me. i am taking myself in hand. next step will be telling someone about it. hopefully, i'll get over this... soon.

just so you know

... i already got a grade for my "inc" subject...!!! (funkydance)

so now, i have 18 units of my grad program under my belt. with a gwa of 1.375 (woot) to boot.

all those sleepless nights, hair-pulling and teeth clenching moments paid off. *whew*



*******


i'm feeling restless again.

"shouldn't there be more?"

plateau.

falling.

scrambling for a hand hold.

looking.

searching...

get in line

Maybe I have a knack for making it seem like my work is easy. So much so that some people make the mistake of thinking that my work is easy. I say this because when I left my previous job, they had to chop up my workload and gave it to three people. They even had to hire someone with a higher salary than what I had enjoyed. Unfortunately, that person didn’t last long and now I hear the replacement is also about to leave as well. That must say something about my ability to adapt, don’t you think? Considering that I lasted almost four years in a job that apparently most people can only stand for half a year (on average).

I don’t like to throw my weight around. By this I mean that I don’t depend on my position to get others to do what I want of them. I influence them with reason and logic, and as much as possible I try to motivate and inspire them to do their job willingly and on their own by reminding them of the pride that comes from a job well done and the satisfaction of knowing that you contributed to the success of something bigger than yourself.

Sometimes, others see this as a weakness. They think that I am not willing, nor even, capable of doing whatever is necessary to get the job done. What they do not realize is that when I am hesitant to do something, it is not because I cannot do it, but because I am not yet convinced that it is the one and only move necessary for getting the job done.

So forgive me for not bowing to your every whim; for not agreeing to your methods or opinions; for having a mind and will of my own. I give you the benefit of both. And do not think that this is a bad thing. Do not mistake that I do this for your pleasure. I do what I do because I believe in the whole of it, that this venture has value. If you cannot grasp this, then so be it. So long as I believe I am doing my part, I will stay. But when the time comes that even this is taken from me, when I no longer believe in my purpose, then that is the time we will part.

But until then… leave me be.

unlimited

habang nanonood ng tv...

[important character blurts out a puchline]

aco2: ano daw?

aco5: [mumbling]

aco2: ano?!

aco5: sabi n'ya...[mumbling louder]

aco2: ha?!

aco5: ano ba?! hindi ako UNLIMITED ha..!


hinayaan ko na lang ang punchline sa tv... mas matindi pa pala ang banat ng kapatid ko...




*******


patience is a virtue.

ito ang paborito kong mantra. kapag umuugong na ang dugo sa tenga ko kapag tumataas ang presyun sa kakagigil sa mga bagay-bagay sa opisina, eskul, bahay, at madlang world ito ang palagi kong sinasabi sa sarili ko.

it works. usually. pero minsan hindi eh.

may mga panahon talagang masarap magtaas ng boses, umirap ng malutong, at magwala ng laser-beam look ala Cyclops sa kawawang nilalang na magkamaling magkrus sa paningin ko... [insert evil witch laugh here]

pagkatapus ay huhugot ng malalim na hininga...

[inhale]

at bubulong sa sarili...

[exhale]

patience is a virtue...



afterall... if what we say doesn't make a difference or create something positive, it will just be wasted breath.


and we're all living on a limited supply of those.

Its Complicated

ito ang relationship status na pinaka asam-asam ko... alam ko hindi maganda ang connotation nito... its either bawal na pag-ibig, bigu, o katupakan lang talaga ang sitwasyun mo kapag ganito ang status message mo...

pero kasi, nag promise ako sa sarili ko na mag change stat ngayong araw ng mga puso... may deadline kasi. dapat married na ako by age 28... so kahit man lang sa guniguni ko pagbigyan na ninyo...

nasa "in relationship" na ako ngayon, by saturday, february 14, 2009... "engaged" na yan!! oh ha!! ang saya ng lola... sa birthday ko: "married"!! at pagka tapos nun... "its complicated" nah!! (evilsmirk) bwahahahaha

magiging eventful talaga ang 2009 ko... lol



*******


on a more serious note...

may i-share akong txt message (oo! buhay na nmn ang txt life ko.. wak kayong magulo! bleh!) galing sa peborit txtmate ko... well, s'ya lang nmn kausap ko araw-araw at gabi-gabi, basta lang hindi maubos ang load at mawalan ng baterya ang tupakin kong selepon...

eto ang sabi nya: "sang may ubra na, pauna una kuwa wallet bayad bills. sang may nobya kag asawa na, padamo damo na rason indi kaupod."

(ng may trabaho na, pasikat labas ng wallet mauna magbayad ng bill. ng may nobya't asawa na, paramihan na ng rason na hindi makasama.)

napatawa talaga ako... sa isip ko lang, this sums up our generation quiet nicely! hahahahaha


*******

FYI...

natandaan pa ba ninyo si Prayer? yung secret textmate ko... well... na upgrade na ang status n'ya... officially: STALKER na sya!!!

kainis!!! ayaw magpakilala pero kng ano anong detalye alam sa buhay ko!!!

pwes!!! jan ka sa sulok! kala mo mag-rereply pa'ko sa'yo....

eto sa'yo!!

09107827926 -----> pinamimigay ko ang number na to... naghahanap ng katinuan yan.. so pwede n'yong asarin ng todo!!

BWAHAHAHAHAAHHA

papuri sa masipag

ang masipag mangolekta ng TV ads..

A SLICE OF TURON: TV Ads

andito ang bagong ad ng Mcdo na subrang kinilig ako. talaga nmn at peborit ko talaga to... cheeseburger with large fries please! hahahahah

RonTuron: hindi nahabol sa plurk kaya blog nlng... :P



*******

ang masipag uminom ng kape...

SI REN...

kitams at nakapadala ng starbuko journal sa dakilang kapatid... bwahahaha

salamat Ren!!!

eto o may katabi pang mga libro nabili ko kahapon. :D

nag retail therapy kasi ako... gumala sa mall at nagtambay sa BookSale pagkatapos ng klase... nag-antay ng txt imbita sakali may gustong makipag date sakin.. tsk.. malas nmn at libro lng ang nakuha ko... lols

*******

still trying to get out of my funk... kinda grasping at straws here... hoping someone will throw me a line...

apathy

lahat ng tao ay naguguluhan at nai-stress sa kani-kanilang buhay... pero ako... parang wala akong naramdaman... out of touch at out of reach ata ang stress detectors ko.


pero ang hindi maganda... nawawalan nmn ako ng gana.


sa skul, sa trabaho, sa blog, sa plurk, at sa lahat nlng... pinipilit ko lang... (tulad ngayon... nakiki-type lng po ang alter ego ko...)


minsan naitanong ko kng bakit ako ganito ngayon... pero hindi tumatagal nawawala nmn sa isip ko... at kawalan nga ang tanging namamalagi dito...


wala lng... talagang wala lng talaga...



*******



"Apathy can be overcome by enthusiasm, and enthusiasm can be aroused by two things: first, an idea which takes the imagination by storm; and second, a definite, intelligible plan for carrying that idea into action. " — Arnold Toynbee


but i don't much care if i get cured of this...


"The only people who can ever put ideas into context are people who don't care; the unbiased and apathetic are usually the wisest dudes in the room. If you want to totally misunderstand why something is supposedly important, find the biggest fan of that particular thing and ask him for an explanation. He will tell you everything that doesn't matter to anyone who isn't him. He will describe paradoxical details and share deeply personal anecdotes, and it will all be autobiography; he will simply be explaining who he is by discussing something completely unrelated to his life." — Chuck Klosterman




*******



peborit animal ko ngayon... si Ulang ang Gumagawa ng Wala...







(basahin nyo ang orange book ni bob ong...andun s'ya.)

Para sa mga OC

"Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." — Ralph Waldo Emerson

ang araw na ito ay para sa mga OC. at ang linyang yan ni Emerson ay para sa mga feeling OC... oo kasama na ako jan... at wag kang magkaila, alam mong, isa ka rin dun.

:p



********

ganito kasi. may isa akong kasama sa office na ang binungad na kwento sakin pagkakita namin kaninang umaga ay ang kinuwento rin niya sakin nang huli kaming magkita, nung sabado pa!. Sa loob ko lang, nagtataka ako kung para sa kanya may naglipas bang oras magmula nang una naming na-discuss ang concerns niya. para kasing, naka-pause lang yung train of thought n'ya tas ng magkita kami ulit, hayun nag resume play na naman... (doh)

dahil nga kulang ako sa tulog wala akong magawa kundi mag tango nlng sa bawat salita n'ya. wala akong energy na magsingit mn lang ng opinyun ko. and dig this, gusto ko sanang matulog sa lunchbreak ko, pero pumasok sya sa office ko at sinarado ang pinto at nagkwento na nmn. goodbye, forty-winks! haaay...

pero may punto nmn ang concern niya. yun nga lang, parang sirang plaka na talaga. natorete ako at nawalan ng gana. yung arguement nya tuloy parang wala ng epek. subrang pabalik-balik na. alam ko na ba't ganun nlng ang reaksyun ng iba kapag sya na ang mag-umpisang magsalita. alam nilang wala ng katapusan.

pano kaya bukas? ganun parin ba ang bukang-bibig nya??!



*******

speaking of OC, I remember Orson Scott Card's book Xenocide and his description of a planet named Path and the genetically enhanced elite of the planet that suffered a form of OCD. In the book, those who were afflicted by OCD were considered Godspoken and were treated as demigods themselves. when the first symptoms of OCD appear in their children, they are subjected to a test wherein they either kill themselves or find an act of "purification" that would suffice to ease the overwhelming compulsion they feel.

much as in the real world, OCD can be quite crippling. we jokingly allude to it when we notice someone being overly neat or exhibits wierd tendencies like untwirling phone cords or aligning books or papers against table edges, but i've heard of people with the wierdest compulsions like making sure that the gas switch is turned off by switching it repeatedly up to 100 times.

*******

ikaw? ano ang act of purification mo?

After Party Favors

okay... so it's 11:16 pm and the party is officially over.

no alcohol. no tantrums. no stress.

door prize. consolation for the contest. aching calves and shaking hands for carrying the fishbowl and walking across the dance area for the last quarter of the evening.

yeay!!!

but still a little disappointed for not having won a major prize in the contest. believe it or not we were the most "serious" performance of the bunch. but like what my officemates keep telling us newbies, its not how serious you are with the performance its how you keep the judges laughing and entertained by your show of outrageousness and lack of inhibition.

we had no chance! bwahahahaha

oh well... at least we had fun and we did contribute something to the night.

albeit it stings to be lumped together with the drunken rendition of cha cha cha... boohoo!

oops! better sign off before i say anything not nice. teheh!

all for the fun of it! yeppeeh!



p.s. pictures to follow... yes! i did dance too! believe it or not!

:p :p :p :p

Strength and Courage

Lao Tzu said, "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."

I ask,"I have courage enough, can you give me strength?"




*******


Some love require sacrifice,
Some love offer pain,
But some love bestows hope.

Some love give inspiration,
Some love grant strength,
But some love rends, tears, and divides.

Some love heals,
Some love confer protection,
But some love need autonomy.

Some love grants peace,
Some love grasps release,
But some love offer freedom.

Some love pursue finery,
Some love rely on beauty,
But some love unveils the truth.



*******



We made a promise. I'm sticking to it. To the letter if not the spirit.

I'm not one to ask twice. I apologize if this may sound selfish.

But you were the one who gave your answer first.





Photo by Victor Nuño

To be or not to be

In a frenzy of exultation over the closing of this year's classes, I read book two of the Twilight series, New Moon, in a little over 5 hours. That's 400++ pages. Well alright, at the last quarter of it I got impatient and started skipping the longer narratives. I just wanted to find out how it ended!

The first half of the book had quiet an impact on me emotionally. I could really relate to the struggle of wanting something really bad and not having it; having to choose, and sometimes being left to make the hard decision of making the "right" choice, between staying and letting go.

And the hard part is, sometimes you never can tell if what you decide is the right choice at the precise moment when you made it. It takes a little walk into the future to know for certain if what we did is in fact right for that situation. We all have different perspectives and different ways of looking and reacting to what goes on around us. We forget that what could be reasonable to us may not be reasonable for others, or obvious. And this could mean the difference between doing good and making things worse.

Bah! Life is complicated enough without trying to second guess ourselves. I guess, this is where faith comes in... and integrity.



*******

I read the book, The Four Agreements, awhile back. It gave me strength to move on when I was in a very dark place. Now, you really have to read it in order to get the full essence of it. Like all knowledge, it should be tempered with self truth, and must be handled with care. Otherwise, it can be as dangerous as it can be helpful.

Being the pragmatic person that I am, I only remember the parts that are useful to me. And for you, here's the gist of it:

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word- Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don't Take Anything Personally - Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don't Make Assumptions - Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best - Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret."

— don Miguel Ruiz



I find this to be a useful reminder, sometimes when i get too distracted with the "real" world.

Anti-Social Tendencies

Last night, I went home to find that there wasn't dinner on the table.

Iloy: Di mo nakuha ang text ni Eron? Di kami nagluto.

Ako: Ano?! Eh ano kakainin ko?!

Iloy: Kala ko nakuha mo ang text?!

Ako: Aaaarrggghh!!! Obviously wala!

[walk-out]

I went out and texted everyone I could think of who would accompany me for dinner and may be spend the night with. I was so angry, I didn't want to go back home at all!

Turns out, all my friends where unavailable or totally unresponsive... ggrrrrr!!


NOTE TO SELF: Get a boyfriend... ASAP!



*******

But not just any male. I do have some standard to uphold. I've been waiting too long to just settle for any guy, thank you very much.


Boyfriend Checklist:

1. Someone who can commit with me wholeheartedly. I'm not gonna make you complete or you me. 'Cause, honey, we already are.

2. Accepts me for who I am. Read: someone who won't mind if I turn into my maldita alter ego...!

3. Makes demands of me without breaking my spirit. I want to be challenged but not dictated to.

4. Can make me laugh, and can talk sense. Preferably loves music and books, or at the very least has an opinion on it.

5. Respects and is kind to women, children, and animals. Patience is a virtue best displayed in these attributes and in the face of crying babies and toddlers throwing tantrums.

6. Must have a hobby (or interest) of some sort. I find that people with no hobbies can be boring. They have a tendency to take things for granted - no passion for anything...

7. Knows how to ride public transport and can handle getting lost in a new environment. Really, dude, i need a man with a good sense of survival.

8. Is able to disclose and be honest about anything... but also knows how to shut up at the appropriate time.



Disclaimer: This list can and may change at the whims and needs of yours truly.

Your words are not my truth

And others are proud of their modicum of righteousness, and for the sake of it do violence to all things: so that the world is drowned in their unrighteousness. - Friedrich Nietzsche


I’ve seen professionals do conflict resolutions. I’ve seen them use confrontational techniques in making people see the error of their ways. But let me tell you that what you did was the farthest thing from being professional.

I do admit that I was rude for being inattentive while you were speaking. In fact, I apologized twice. But that does not give you the right to malign my person and call me names.

But then again, that’s your opinion. And contrary to what you believe, I respect that even if it’s not fair nor even the truth.

I’m sorry that you were hurt by my actions. It was never my intention to be disrespectful. But you should be mature enough, at the very least, to not let your emotions get the better of you.

You asked me how I would feel if someone were also inattentive while I was speaking. Perhaps the right question should be: How would I act if it were done to me.

Let me tell you that I would not treat anyone as disrespectfully as you treated me. I would not impugn them needlessly in front of everyone. I would not shame the rest of the class with an emotional outburst that is beyond what the situation demanded. I would not storm out of the room as a mark of credence to my actions. In fact I would not mind if they talked at all, because I would rather they share information together should they feel that what I was talking about was no longer necessary to them rather than stare emptily into space and pretend to be listening. I would not mind because I would not take it personally.

And so, your words are not my truth.

But in the essence of who I am, I forgive you. As I forgive myself.

I have gained the lesson. I hope that you have too.





*******



Details have been deliberately excluded to comply with personal censorship board that does not believe in spreading unnecessary information to those who have no business with such information.






Respect starts within ourself. And we have to give it in order to get it.

Wanted: Hygiene

GUEST POST
MGA KWENTONG DUBAI PART II
NI: CODENAME TASUKI






*******


Sina Bell at Sheena ay iilan lamang sa mga sampung babaeng auditors dito sa aming kompanya. Si Bell ay Pinay samantalang si Sheena naman ay Indiana. Minsan nagsama ang dalawa sa isang audit engagement.

Sheena: Oh Bell, it seems that your hair is wet every morning. Do you wash it everyday?
Bell: Of course. How about you?
Sheena: Well, I haven’t washed my hair for five days now. Maybe tomorrow I will.

Confidence level: 95%


Si Shubu naman ay isa ding Indiano na nakasama ko sa isang cliente. Sa lahat ng mga kasama kong Indians, parang sya ang pinakamalinis manamit. Marunong din sya ng kaunting Filipino. Minsan pagkatapos naming kumain, nagkasabay kami sa banyo. Nakita nya akong nagsisipilyo.

Shubu: Pare… kamusta? Do you really brush your teeth every after meal?
Tasuki: Yes of course.
Shubu: Well, that’s a very good habit. Do all Filipinos do that?
Tasuki: Hmm… not all. But most of the times we do. And you?
Shubu: Well, I only brush twice a day, once in the morning and once in the evening. And when I’m only at home, I do not use that paste.

Confidence level: 99%



Based on my true experience… igalang ang Copyrights.


(June 7, 2006)







*******

Dahil sa post na ito nalaman kong dapat palang ipagmalaki ang hygiene practice ng mga Pinoy! :D
Woohoo! Wave your tooth brush in the air!

Mabuhay tayong lahat!

:D

Turning Point

I’m a person who forgives easily. I don’t hold grudges or even hold on to my anger that well. I don’t get mad that often either. But when I do, it’s usually a turning point for me. Realizations will be made and actions will be taken.

I’ll forgive you. But it doesn’t mean that everything will fall back into the same way it did before the episode. Some might think that forgiveness “gives way to everything else” but I beg to disagree. For me forgiveness means that old doors will be closed and new ones opened. Things will change. Maybe for the better, maybe for worse but it won’t be the same.

This, I can guarantee.

So…?

You want my forgiveness?

It’s yours.

And everything else that goes with it.

hindi ako malambing

Malungkot na katotohanan. Meron ng nakapuna at marami ng nagtanong, pero kahit ano man kasakit kelangan kung tanggapani. Hindi ako malambing.

Pero hindi ibig sabihin na hindi ako marunong maglambing. Hindi rin ito nangangahulugan na hindi ko gusto maglambing o lambingin. Sino ba naman ang ayaw sa halik at yakap? Ako man ay gusto magbigay at makatanggap nito. Ngunit bihira lang talaga ang taong nakakalapit sa damdamin ko at bibilangin lang ang mga taong lumilingon sa likod ng kaswal kong pagtawa at malditahing irap.

Sa mga malapit sa akin, sa pagkain ko dinadala ang aking apresasyun at pag-alaga. Gusto ko silang ipagluto ng espesyal kung mga resipe. Cookies, brownies, muffins, pasta, salads, breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Sa ganitong paraan ko ginugugol ang paglalambing na sa pisikal na paraan ay minsan nahihirapan akong ipaabot.

Sa mga matalik kung kaibigan, maasahan naman nila akong makikinig sa kanilang mga problema’t suliranin. Alam nilang kahit ano pa man ang kanilang gawin, sabihin, o isipin hindi ko sila huhusgahan. Bagkus bibigyan nang paguunawa at kakaramput na payo.

Subalit, dahil nga amin ko namang hindi ako malambing, hindi rin ako natatakot na pagsabihan sila nang totoo, ano man kahirap sa pandinig nila, na mali o katangahan ang kanilang ginagawa, o kahangalan ang kanilang sinasabi. Hindi ko sila sasalbahin sa angal nang kanilang konsensya dahil ako pa ang mangungunang gigising dito.

Oo nga at hindi ako malambing. Pero may panahon na nangangapa ako sa dilim, sa karimlan ng madaling araw, naghahanap nang taong mayapos at yayakap din sa akin nang buong higpit. Isang nilalang na pwede kong sandalan sa oras nang pangangailangan, na kayang mag-alay nang kanyang lakas sa mga oras na hirap na ako sa pagiging matatag.

Hindi ako malambing dahil sa hindi ko gusto maging malambing. Hindi ako malambing dahil hinda pa dumating ang taong kayang tanggapin ang katibayan ko bilang isang babae. Isang lalaking hindi maghahangad na maging masunurin ako sa lahat ng kanyang gusto ditapwat rirespetuhin ang kahalagahan nang aking pagkatao.

Kung meron mang matapang na nilikha na kayang tanggapin kung ano ako… halika, at buong buhay kitang lalambingin.

The Weight Issue

Last Friday, I happened to meet a friend of mine at the mall. She complimented me on my corporate get up (no one is used to me dressing up it seems), but then she also said:

Nice: Pol, nag-niwang ka guid man. (Pol, you’ve really grown thin.) *fixing my necklace and smoothing my hair away from my shoulders*

Me: Not you, too. *looks at her weird*

I met my cousin last night while I was walking along Valeria Street to my jeepney stop. Of all the things she said to me, this is what I remember.

Ida: Caz, nagniwang ka na! (Caz, you’re so thin!) *grabs me by the arms*

Me: Wala ah. Sus! *peeved*

It was dark and I was wearing a black skirt and blazer.



This morning, one of my friends dropped by the office. I asked him to apply with the company and he was scouting the area so to speak. Again he mentions the state of my body weight:

Daniel: Ganiniwang ka na di. (You’re getting thin here.)

Me: Indi, ah. Wala ko bi day-off… hahaha. (Not really. I just don’t have days-off.)

It’s not true of course. I do have my day-off every Saturday. But, I also go to grad school. So…

Maybe I lost a couple of pounds but I am not on a diet and neither am I trying to be thin! Aaaargh!

After lunch today, while walking back to my office, I met an old schoolmate from college:

Raincel: Nag-sexy ka na guid. Maintain ang figure. *admiring glance* (You’re so sexy. You’ve maintained your figure.)

Me: Haha. Why, thank you. Tanan na lang naghambal nagniwang ko. (Everyone’s been saying I’m so thin.)

Raincel: Indi ah. Daw pareho ma lang sang college ta. (Not really. Just the same as when we were in college.)

Me: Amo mana gani hambal ko. (That’s what I’ve been saying all along. )

Ha! I told you I'm not thin! So, there!

Tall Order

I have an anonymous text-friend. Sa dialect: txtm8.

I don’t know his name, age, address, profession, or even how he got my number. But, because he piqued my interest and gave me stimulating intellectual discussion (Read: He has a lot of ideas I enjoy dissecting and contradicting.) I decided not to zap him with my deadly sarcasm and instead gave him the chance to bask in the light of my wisdom.

This decision did not disappoint me. I found him to be a good grinding stone on which I could sharpen my resolve on a few beliefs and clarify uncertainties on several points. Not to mention the fact that I derive immense satisfaction in donning my Scary-Strong-Woman persona when I talk to him. (hihihi)

In fact, here are my thoughts and reactions to our discourse on relationships, love, and commitment:

1. You don’t fall in love unknowingly. Pero tamad at duwag lang talaga ang tao, some can’t take responsibility for themselves kaya nirarason na lang kung ano-ano.

2. Lumalabas ang pagiging psychologist ko at umiiral ang cognitive-affective leanings ko when I talk about human behavior during what most romantically refer to as “being in love” or “falling out of love”. Take the following statements he sent me:

a. “Feelings change”: TRUE
b. “Sometimes no matter how much you stop the feeling it just grows stronger. You just can’t deny or take for granted what you really feel.”: FALSE (boo!)

3. People make mistakes when they give in to their weakness. Kaya, naghahanap ako ang lalaking matatag din sa puso at isipan. May nahanap at nakilala na akong mga lalaking ganito. Kaya nga lang ay may mga pag-ibig na sa buhay at kailangang respetuhin ang kanilang choice.

4. People who don’t know, not to mention like themselves, generally don’t know how to accept, let alone love, other people. Ika nga, “You can’t give what you don’t have.”

5. Idealist ako when it comes to the subject of love and commitment. Trust, honesty, and respect are words you have to learn and live by when you go into any relationship. Take note, this is true for all relationships.

6. I fervently believe that relationships can only work with a lot of hard work. It’s not always pretty, happy, or agreeable. It takes conscious effort, a lot of appreciation, compromise, and less whining, criticism, and excuses.

7. Wala akong pasensya sa mga taong kayang ipagtanggol ang sarili nila by just saying “I couldn’t help it. ‘Di ko mapigilan ang sarili ko.” Wattah!

8. Kung kaya nang lalaki maging taksil, kaya rin ni babae. Mas socially acceptable lang ang una kesa sa pangalawa. At karamihan sa mga lalaki ay hindi ito kayang tanggapin o aminin. Mas mainam na makahanap nang lalaking alam ito, para hindi siya magkamaling i-take for granted ang pagtingin ni babae.

Hmmnn… I’m getting all worked up. Eto na lang. Kung interesado kayong maki-txt sa anonymous friend ko narito and ilang detalye tungkol sa kanya: (veracity unknown)

· Ang pangalan niya sa phonebook ko ay “Prayer”. He used to send me prayers
during the first month he txted me. Walang palya, kaya yun na ang pinangalan ko sa kanya.

· He’s a he. Nabisto ko siya nang muntik na akong awayin nang magpasaring akong baka me boyfriend s’ya. Buti na lang at dinaan niya sa tawa. (hyuk hyuk hyuk) Guys are so predictable when their manhood is threatened. Tsk!

· He lives and works in Iloilo. Sa Miagao ang hometown niya.

· May girlfriend siya pero nag-break na raw sila. (?)

· Hindi ko gusto ang choice niya nang forwarded txt joke na una niyang binigay sakin. Doon ko nasigurado na lalaki nga siya. Read between the lines.

· He doesn’t want to give me his name so I have a dark suspicion that I know or have met him somewhere. Mokong talaga!

· Ang cellphone number n’ya ay: 09107827926. Kung kilala niyo ang taong ito… regards na lang sa kanya. Nyahahaha.

I do wonder how I get these mysterious text friends. He’s actually the 3rd one whose exhibited similar beliefs about the subject. I find it irritating and sad at the same time that they could hold such misconceptions about things that I thought were so obvious. And all these texters arrived right after I broke up with my last boyfriend. What is it? Do I have a sign lit up across the universe that says “Recently broke-up. Ask about lessons learned from the experience”???

As if!

Break-up with your own boyfriend or girlfriend! Then invite me to talk about your experience!

>:p

Cardigan & Prose

Nung isang gabi nakita ko sa kwarto nakasabit ang bagong damit na pasalubong nang Tita ko ke youngest sister. Kaninang umaga sinuot ko ito with the intention of wearing it to work. Cute sana, bagay na bagay sa’kin pero sleeveless it. Bumaba ako at naghanap nang ipapares na blazer, jacket, o bolero. After trying on 9 different blazers and jackets, with my cousin and aunt giving me enthusiastic suggestions, I decided to change my outfit…

What the hell use are 9 blazers, jackets, and boleros when all you need is 1 black cardigan?!

Note to self: Buy black cardigan ASAP!!!! (grrrrr)

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Naiinis ako. Tanungin mo ako kung bakit, sige na.
Naiinis ako sa isang tao. Tatanungin mo ba kung sino?
Naiinis ako sa nangyari. Wag mo nang itanong at sasabihin ko!
I asked you out tonight. Walang reply, kahit isang txt man lang.
Alam mo namang nastress ako sa trabaho at kailangan kong makasama ka.
Pero nauna na naman ang trabaho mo. Ewan ba at baka rasun lang yan dahil may iba na.
Ano nga ba ako sa buhay mo? Hindi ka ba sigurado?
Ayaw mo akong masaktan pero paulit-ulit mo akong iniiwasan.
Tama na ang luha, tama na ang pag-iintindi.
Tama na ang “Salamat” na iyong sinabi.
Masakit aminin pero totoo nga kaya, na wala nang laman ang iyong mga sinasabi.

Nag-txt ka na naman. Tinatanong kung ok lang ako.
Kung pinaunlakan mo ako eh sana hindi mo na tinatanong yan.
Ang labo talaga nang mundong ginagalawan natin.
Nagkikita lang tayo sa kawalan nang internet, sa YM, o sa SMS.
Nakikihalubilo sa kapwa mga nawala o nawawala.
Tanging blog at online forum ang kinukunan nang inspirasyun.
Sana naman ay magtagpo na ang imahinasyun mo at pantasya ko.

Wag kang mag-alala wala akong hinahabol dito.
Sumusulat lang ako nang sinasaloob ko.
Ekpermento ito, tawag ay free association writing.
Kahit ako ay namangha sa mga salitang kusang namutawi sa aking screen.
Kung sino ka man, sana ay magpakilala kana.
Magpakita man lang kahit saglit lang.
Nang hindi naman masayang ang aking pinaghirapan.
At nang mapagtanto kong meron ngang taong tinutukoy dito.

(lol) Arnie, I thought I’d try my hand at song writing. Sorry at mejo prose lang ang kaya ko. Nyahahaha…

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Can somebody tell me how come I can't register my blog account through Word 2007? (annoyed) hhhrrrrr... access restriction ba ito?!

Enter: Taray Queen

I’ve been thinking of making over my blog-site. Change the name, look, etc… I think I’ve been Miss Goody-Goody for too long. I need to spice up my site and live up to my new reputation of being the resident HR of Plurklandia.

Maybe then I can command some respect with the Pikon and Bugnutin types. Hmmmn? What do you think?

New Blog Site Name: Taray Queen
Banner Intro: Constrained with the Truth but believing in the adage: “Don’t say anything if you can’t say anything nice.” Be warned. If I have nothing to say to you, take it as a compliment. :D

Makahingi na nga rin nang magandang picture kay Pot. Siguro yung mga Japanese masks na ginagamit nila sa kabuki play na nakasimangot. (nyahahaha) Pangtaboy ata ng mga evil spirits yun.


******


Noong isang gabi, habang nagsusulat ako nang blog update, nakinuod ako sa dalawa kung pinsan at kapatid nang dvd. Ang entertainment choice nila: The Prom. A slasher flick starred by Brittany Snow about a young girl fatally stalked by her teacher, killed her family and three years later is attending her senior prom. Predictably, the mad-stalker gets away from prison on the day of the prom and incidentally stayed at the same hotel they were holding the party.

I don’t know why my sister loves horror-suspense flicks, to tell you the truth. Nang dahil sa hilig n’ya nkapanood ako nang The Ring (Japanese & Hollywood version), The Grudge, Dark Water, The Eye, at kung ano-ano pang titulo nang Thai kulam movies (oo, meron sila nun! At nakakatakot talaga. Promise!). Personally, mas gusto ko yung mga feel good movies, especially kapag gabi na nanonood. Mas mahimbing naman ang tulog mo pagkatapos kapag masayahing pelikula ang pinapanood mo, diba? Diba?! Pero ewan dun!

Wala akong choice kasi ginawa nilang sleep-over camp ang bahay namin dahil nagbabakasyun ang magulang at nakababatang kapatid ko sa Lola namin. Kaming dalawa lang ng Sis sa bahay kaya minabuti nilang doon narin makikikain at makikitulog hanggang sa araw ng undas. (Ewan ko lng kung ano na naman ang panonoorin nila mamaya. Haayz!)

Hindi ko mapigilan, nakatutok din ang mata ko sa tv kahit na alam kong hindi ko lang magugustuhan ang makikita ko. Sinabihan ko na silang iba nalang ang panoorin pero ala talaga. Yun ang gusto nila. Syempre pa, puro lang habulan at saksakan at patayan ang nangyari sa pelikula. Tanong ko nga sa sarili ko, ano ba ang masaya dito at parang aatakihin lang ako sa puso nang lentik na pelikulang ito. (huhuhuh)

Nang matapos ang pelikula naghanap sila nang anime movie para mawala ang kaba nila. Malas at hindi gumana ang Get Backers. Sana nanood narin ako para mapawi ang nerbyos ko. Pero hindi, isa na namang suspense thriller ang gumana. Sus Maria! Tinapos ko nalang ang editing ko at umakyat sa kwartu.

Bahala kayo sa mga multo!