stop the music!!!

i took a test once. and it said i'm very visual. that is, i process information primarily through what i see rather than what i hear (auditory) or feel/do (kinesthetic).

but realy, i can be easily distracted by sound.

like right now... i can't think from the music blaring from this laptop. Lord help me. i'm grateful for the free net use, but please.... stop the music!!!!

get in line

Maybe I have a knack for making it seem like my work is easy. So much so that some people make the mistake of thinking that my work is easy. I say this because when I left my previous job, they had to chop up my workload and gave it to three people. They even had to hire someone with a higher salary than what I had enjoyed. Unfortunately, that person didn’t last long and now I hear the replacement is also about to leave as well. That must say something about my ability to adapt, don’t you think? Considering that I lasted almost four years in a job that apparently most people can only stand for half a year (on average).

I don’t like to throw my weight around. By this I mean that I don’t depend on my position to get others to do what I want of them. I influence them with reason and logic, and as much as possible I try to motivate and inspire them to do their job willingly and on their own by reminding them of the pride that comes from a job well done and the satisfaction of knowing that you contributed to the success of something bigger than yourself.

Sometimes, others see this as a weakness. They think that I am not willing, nor even, capable of doing whatever is necessary to get the job done. What they do not realize is that when I am hesitant to do something, it is not because I cannot do it, but because I am not yet convinced that it is the one and only move necessary for getting the job done.

So forgive me for not bowing to your every whim; for not agreeing to your methods or opinions; for having a mind and will of my own. I give you the benefit of both. And do not think that this is a bad thing. Do not mistake that I do this for your pleasure. I do what I do because I believe in the whole of it, that this venture has value. If you cannot grasp this, then so be it. So long as I believe I am doing my part, I will stay. But when the time comes that even this is taken from me, when I no longer believe in my purpose, then that is the time we will part.

But until then… leave me be.

PAY IN EXACT AMOUNT PLEASE

That was the sign on the window. I was supposed to pay P150 but my money was P500. I thought, they may have the change since its so early in the morning (so early in fact that I had to wait around 5 minutes before anyone took notice of me at the window. Sweating in the heat and getting impatient I might add.) and it was a nice round number. No coins to count.

But hell no! After glancing at the P500 bill she goes, “Exact amount only”, and proceeded to ignore me. Staring at the paper I had handed her she said, “Change it to a smaller bill, I don’t have any change,” looking for all the world like she didn’t care if I had to walk to hell and back to find smaller bills for her. I stood their for several minutes, wondering if she would offer me any suggestions on where I might be able to find change, a word of encouragement, apology, kindness…!? I could have stood there for an hour and she probably wouldn’t have minded at all.

I walked back to the cafeteria, about three quarters of the way I had came from to get to the cashier’s, fuming over the heartlessness of this person. Wondering over the negligent disregard of such a culture that would let its employee sit in comfort, while having the people who contributed to their salaries and benefits suffer the heat, distance, and indignity of finding smaller bills when in fact it was their responsibility to provide such change (have these people ever heard of Change Fund???).

If it weren’t for the fact that I had been part of this institution for almost 10 years, I probably would not think twice of vilifying the whole of it. I am ashamed to say that they have become archaic and ensconced in their ivory tower, blinded by their vanity, and unwilling to look beyond their arrogant assumption that they are the “best” in their field. Well, soon enough they will have to face the fact that they need to compete with “lesser” giants which have overtaken them, and will over run them with “armies” built from the brilliant troops which they have initially produced.

I was angry. But now I am sad at the thought. A famed institution well known for striving towards academic “honor and excellence” and giving “service” to its country can be reduced to this: pitiful and unsatisfactory service. For a moment, I felt doubt about pursuing my higher education in their hands. If people were this uncaring in the administration of students, what more could I expect from the professors?

But then, there are saving graces. The cashier at the cafeteria still recognized me from my high school days and chatted me up, the gardener I passed gave me a polite greeting, and the people at the division office are always helpful and kind.

So… “Pay in exact amount”? For sure. In life, as reflected in this institution (and as often iterated by its denizens), sometimes people just don’t care and we’re left to fend for ourselves. “Sink or swim”, as they say. I hope not only to “swim” but be able to extend my learning to others who’ll make use of it as a lifeline in this world.

When I returned to the cashier’s office, the lady there was combing her hair in front of her computer. My receipt was ready, so I dropped one P100 bill and one P50 bill and walked away thinking that the “Iskolars ng Bayan” need not look beyond the walls of their school to find an opportunity to start changing the world.

Your words are not my truth

And others are proud of their modicum of righteousness, and for the sake of it do violence to all things: so that the world is drowned in their unrighteousness. - Friedrich Nietzsche


I’ve seen professionals do conflict resolutions. I’ve seen them use confrontational techniques in making people see the error of their ways. But let me tell you that what you did was the farthest thing from being professional.

I do admit that I was rude for being inattentive while you were speaking. In fact, I apologized twice. But that does not give you the right to malign my person and call me names.

But then again, that’s your opinion. And contrary to what you believe, I respect that even if it’s not fair nor even the truth.

I’m sorry that you were hurt by my actions. It was never my intention to be disrespectful. But you should be mature enough, at the very least, to not let your emotions get the better of you.

You asked me how I would feel if someone were also inattentive while I was speaking. Perhaps the right question should be: How would I act if it were done to me.

Let me tell you that I would not treat anyone as disrespectfully as you treated me. I would not impugn them needlessly in front of everyone. I would not shame the rest of the class with an emotional outburst that is beyond what the situation demanded. I would not storm out of the room as a mark of credence to my actions. In fact I would not mind if they talked at all, because I would rather they share information together should they feel that what I was talking about was no longer necessary to them rather than stare emptily into space and pretend to be listening. I would not mind because I would not take it personally.

And so, your words are not my truth.

But in the essence of who I am, I forgive you. As I forgive myself.

I have gained the lesson. I hope that you have too.





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Details have been deliberately excluded to comply with personal censorship board that does not believe in spreading unnecessary information to those who have no business with such information.






Respect starts within ourself. And we have to give it in order to get it.