obsessions

i've been obsessing over something lately. a simple curiosity about a specific person that has been fueled by circumstance and opportunity, and slowly cemented by undesirable negative emotions.

i'm not proud of it. it's out of character for me. yet, i find no small amount of guilty pleasure when i indulge in it.

but, the more i find myself dipping into that sordid well of unhealthy curiosity, the more i realise that it's going to lead into something dangerous, for my mental well being and mayhap for my relationships.

writing about it brings a measure of relief. perhaps, the fact that no one knows about it is one of the reason why i have held on to it for quite a time. no one knows so it can't do any harm, right? well, i'm finding out otherwise. the more i keep doing it in secret, the worse i feel everytime.

so this is one small step for me. i am taking myself in hand. next step will be telling someone about it. hopefully, i'll get over this... soon.